everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
