I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
barbara walters just said penis...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
