The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Come share oat with me in your robe
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
