I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
