Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
