Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
