i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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