Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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