She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
