just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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