Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
