my sisters under your porch take her home
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
