you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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