got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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