My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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