my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
