I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
