Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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