Someone shit on the floor
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
