Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
