you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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