That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
