Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
