Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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