Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
