The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
