Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
