You're my little dorito
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
