so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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