The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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