we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
