guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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