i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
