i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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