: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
