Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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