She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
