a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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