i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
