I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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