I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Welp...herpes.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
