Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
