THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
