I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Damn victory sex feels great
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
