well you can't waste a boner
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
