using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
