We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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