tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
