Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
