yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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