I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
