It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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