it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
well you can't waste a boner
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
