I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
