Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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